the book actually helped me understand every r. amazingly barfy language used to convey truly fascinating and revelatory concepts regarding interpersonal relationships and the dynamics you find within them. A lot of conversation examples could have been shorter for example, and more strongly tied back to the need for emotional understanding and emotional connection. Recognizing Demon Dialogues – First of all you identify the common emotional reactions that lead to arguments and negative cycles. Verified Purchase. I gained a lot of insight about how I love, how I need to love better, what healthy love really looks like, my love relationship, how and why people struggle in love and how to overcome some of those pitfalls, how to build loving relationships and how loving, securely attached couples are not only transformed and healed themselves through that secure attachment but how those individuals are then available and needed to form the foundation of a civilized society. Reviewed in the United States on November 19, 2017. We all want a lifetime of love, support, and companionship. That’s true, but I wouldn’t want it serves a justification for the anxious attachment types to justify their behavior. Dr. Johnson is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a highly effective, research-backed intervention to help couples repair rifts and build strong loving bonds. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is written by Dr. Sue Johnson. Hold Me Tight blends the best in research findings with practical suggestions from a caring and compassionate clinician. Someone asked me the other day what I do when a couple comes to see me. With a lot of psychological depth and helpful tips, this book stands out from the rest. This has replaced all the other books on relationships as the number one must-read book. You can check here a few examples of how emotional idiocy makes for terrible relationships. In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Johnson shares her groundbreaking and remarkably successful program for creating stronger, more secure relationships. It is about much more than that. (less), Presents an attachment-based view of adult romantic love and relationships, based on the author's own Emotionally Focused Therapy... a lot of great info on working with emotions in your relationship, and not getting caught up in the same patterns up conflict that plague pretty much all of us. Would this be a useful book for me? Dr. Sue Johnson is a world-renowned expert in the field of couples therapy. For example, "Hold Me Tight" made me recall against my will that Kenny Loggins dumped his first wife in order to marry his colonic therapist. It takes Bowlby's attachment theory and expands on it for adults and their relationships. I can’t recommend this book enough. Here are my two biggest takeaway from “Hold Me Tight”: Embrace Your Emotional Needs This book focuses on the love relationship as an attachment bond and addresses how partners can become more emotionally receptive and responsive to their loved one. Having read through the whole thing, I can agree, in my limited experience. Hold Me Tight is designed to help partners gain insight about themselves and one another and to enhance their communication, whether or not it is broken. Nothing wrong with the concept, I guess, but who wants to see Mr. Most relationship issues arise because of miscommunications regarding how the need for that comfort is shown and respond. We long for that same closeness, the opportunity to be who we are completely, permission to be needy and longing for affection from our spouse (as we had from our parents). Hold me Tight is a must read for anyone who wants to understand relationships and human nature. Sue Johnson is an Ottawa-based professor and relationship therapist who noticed that traditional therapies often didn't work. The best predictor of marriage solidity is the couple’s emotional responsiveness (also read: turning towards). In the end, you need the security of knowing that no matter what happens, you can rely on your spouse for comfort and support. Reading this book has been a spiritual activity for me and a journey inward. As Sue Johnson explains, that’s a mistake: we are all wired for connection and emotional co-dependency with our partners make us stronger. The main insight I took from this book is that adults, just like children need love and caring. Aug 3, 2013 - Favorite Marriage Book. This is the book we recommend the most in our practice, and the basis of our Emotionally Focused Therapy methodology. I needed to journal and grow with it a bit and that took months. Their fight was almost word for word what ours looks like.”. Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read. Her approach, Emotionally Focused Therapy, has been proven to help 86 percent of couples become happier in their relationships. Dr. Sue Johnson is a world-renowned expert in the field of couples therapy. When a safe connection is lost we go into fight or flight mode. Hold Me Tight explains readers that the most important element of any intimate relationship is emotional intimacy. In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Johnson shares her groundbreaking and remarkably successful program for creating stronger, more secure relationships. Topics Dr. Johnson addresses include: attachment and bonding, the science of love, interventions to repair relationships, and forgiveness. Becoming more emotional intelligent will not only make your relationships better, but it will outright improve your lives. Sue Johnson says that most couples’ therapy so far focuses on fixing conflicts and power struggles. Dr. Sue Johnson will go down in history alongside Freud and Jung as a pioneer. 6. But Hold Me Tight dares to do something different, instead of doing the same old formula, Sue Johnson thinks that to make a relationship better, you must tackle the root of the problem, getting to its emotional underpinnings. Having read through the whole thing, I can agree, in my limited experience. P.P.S. Check out the best relationship books or get the book on Amazon, Tag:hold me tight 7 conversations, hold me tight dr sue johnson, hold me tight sue johnson, Communication Doesn’t Fix Couples’ Issues: Emotional Attachment Does, The first four conversations limit the negativity in the relationship. And even those who are single. It's something you can read with your partner. Book Review: Hold Tight. Her work provides tools for couples who want to stop dancing the Polka and start doing a Tango, her language for a relationship that allows for deep connection. Her focus has been couple therapy and adult attachment. There is approximately twenty years of extensive research into EFT at hand here. In most cases, the reviews are necessarily limited to those that were available to us ahead of publication. I happen to think EFT is a great couples therapy, but I still like to use behavioural meth. Id like to move towards a more secure place. On December 31, 2013. The premise is that we are so emotionally caught up in the minutia of our romantic relationships because of our associations and links to our past relationships with our parents. This information about Hold Tight shown above was first featured in "The BookBrowse Review" - BookBrowse's membership magazine, and in our weekly "Publishing This Week" newsletter. To learn about what we say to kids well meant but in fact how it can be completely wrong and can develop attachment styles is something that we have under estimated. Marriage failure is not a conflict increase, but an emotional decrease. Listening to the audiobook I find it hard to clearly define and differentiate among the seven conversations. This book was recommended by my wife's uncle, a teacher/couples therapist, who recommended it as one of the best books written about relationships. The premise is that we are so emotionally caught up in the minutia of our romantic relationships because of our associations and links to our past relationships with our parents. "Hold Me Tight" qua self-help book title evokes, in this reader, all the wrong associations. bookworm, review, reviewing. While it's not the most well-written book in the world, the message is invaluable. Read Book Review: Hold Me Tight from the story ♡ Book Review ♡ [Closed] by SouthernDreamerXO () with 59 reads. Check out the best relationship books or get the book on Amazon i was able to get past the awful self-help style and diction and get to the heart of what she's saying--basically applying bowles' attachment theory to adult partnerships, and putting forth the idea that it is not only normal to need other people (esp your partner), but it is actually healthy. Enlightening. It bonds us together and helps us survive. I think the book is relevant to partners at all stages of a relationship, not just relationships that are "in trouble." Book Review: Hold Me Tight. About The Author: Sue Johnson is an English clinical psychologist,  professor and researcher. Learn Emotional Intelligence ), Withdraw and detach trying to soothe (=I won’t let you hurt me, I’ll stay in control). Bonding Through Sex and Touch – Emotional connection enhances physical connection and the two feed into each other in a positive cycle. Let us know what’s wrong with this preview of, Published In 8 mistakes women do in dating I mention of an ex of mine whom was always struggling to be independent from me. therapy into book form was not a complete success, if it is even possible. Im no literary critic. I enjoyed reading through the scenarios who were in situations that I find myself in in my own relationship, and the lessons learned were deep and moving. See all formats and editions. In a relationship? It’s a small blip for secure attachment types and avoidant attachments don’t mind too much either. Hold Me Tight--Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson Ed.D. Bravo!— This book was an interesting counterpoint to. Start by marking “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” as Want to Read: Error rating book. An eye-opening account of the science of relationships and attachment. TALK NERDY TO ME. I'd go a step further and say copies should be left on everyone's doorstep. Instead of persevering with the old ways or blaming herself, she went back to the drawing board and came up with a new model. And you don't need to be a psychology student to "get it." The writer is clear and non-judgmental and stays away from too much psychological analyses and language. amazingly barfy language used to convey truly fascinating and revelatory concepts regarding interpersonal relationships and the dynamics you find within them. According to Johnson, the need for attachment underlies the conflict involved in the pursue-withdraw dance that couples often get locked into, a dance she aptly metaphorizes as the Polka. Sue Johnson has been developing and proving the effectiveness of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples since the 1980s through her work at […] This was much better than the kitschy title led me to believe. The writing style creates topics that are easily discussed between partners and the book is filled with exercises that allow one to practice better communication and understanding. Dr. Johnson is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a highly effective, research-backed. It may sound like hyperbole, but I honestly believe this book could be a blueprint for world peace. But we don't just have brains, we have hearts and close relationships bring us peace and happiness. Best book about human relationships EVER. Once we understand this and can allow for it (and can show/speak to our spouse w, Why: Because a friend of mine said about it: This book is FABULOUS! It is dense and can’t be read quickly. Every month our team... To see what your friends thought of this book, Hi, I know I'm a bit late here but just wanted to say that yes, I do think it's good if you're single and exploring your attachment issues. 5 stars for the content - very important and useful for all couples, family relationships, and counselors. MP3 CD – MP3 Audio, April 15, 2014. by Dr. Sue Johnson (Author), Sandra Burr (Reader) 4.6 out of 5 stars 1,868 ratings. Working with my clients I will recommend books that offer more than just a feel-good solution. Basically, these are the question: Are you there and are you with me. Daemon Dialog, Solis Sex, Sealed Off Sex, Synchronized Sex and much more) nearly killed me! Same for the part on sex. Many think that it is dysfunctional to need others, that adults should be able to stand on their own two feet. Read it. Those who are not doing well. Those just starting their relationship. Happy couples, she says, communicate no better than unhappy ones. Read it. Reading this book has been a spiritual activity for me and a journey inward. wish I had read this book years ago... everyone should read it to learn how to be more compassionate to the people who care about you. EFT is a short-term, structured approach… This was much better than the kitschy title led me to believe. This is the bedrock of a solid relationship. The writing style creates topics that are easily discussed between partners and the book is filled with exercises that allow one to practice better communication and understanding. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. Because when it comes down to it, most of our arguments with our spouses is about wanting to feel more loved/cared for/affection/connection. Unsecure type descend into a “primal panic” when they fear about their partner’s attachment -for example after a fight-. I feel that this book isn't meant to be read (like I did) so much as it is meant to be studied. Great Wisdom This book explains the fundamentals of relationships -- why we need them, how they function, develop, and how we can shape them -- and illustrates these concepts through vidid and relatable examples from the author's rich experience as a therapist. Much as does the scent of patchouli oil and as does the sound of gauzy-eyed adults whispering for their inner child to come on out for a good old back rub, "Hold Me Tight" evokes (again, for this reader) scary New Agey associations. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. Not in a relationship? Anxious also need to take concrete steps to tackle their oversensitive attachment systems. Welcome back. Hold me Tight is a must read for anyone who wants to understand relationships and human nature. 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